Making Friends By Small and Simple Things

I have a confession to make, I am a John Bytheway fan.  In fact, I have been wishing for years that I could have similar success as an inspirational writer and speaker.  That's one reason I started this blog, to inspire others, especially youth who are preparing to serve, or who may considering serving a mission.  I am not John Bytheway, I have a completely different personality. but that's a good thing.  We already have a John Bytheway, and we really don't need another.

That reminds me of a quote by Dwight David Eisenhower, the Supreme Allied Commander in Europe during World War II, and later the President of the United States.  Before the war, Eisenhower had served as chief of staff to General Douglas MacArthur who, though a brilliant commander, was given to too much self-promotion.  After the war started, but before Eisenhower was ordered to Europe, he worked for another brilliant commander, General George Marshall, the Chief of Staff of the U.S. Army.  In October 1942, Eisenhower is supposed to have said to an assistant, "I wouldn't trade one Marshall for fifty MacArthurs." A moment later he added, "That would be a lousy deal. What would I do with fifty MacArthurs!"

The point of that little aside is that we should always be ourselves.  In this blog I have often included tidbits from military history or from contemporary military affairs that I thought I could use to make a point.  I have done so because that is who I am.  Ever since I was in high school I have been interested in military history, principally of the U.S. Navy during World War II.  That interest taught me how to think and analyze as I studied and tried to learn from history.

There may be value in observing the better traits in others and seeking to emulate them, but we should never lose sight of who we are as individuals.  God gave us talents and interests for a reason, and by developing those talents and interests we can become the best of our unique selves.  Also, as the humorist, author, actor, pianist and composer Oscar Levant once said, "It'd be nice to please everyone but I thought it would be more interesting to have a point of view."

This is a rather long way of introducing the subject of this post.  John Bytheway recently wrote in his blog (we both have blogs!) that the best we to make friends was to control the things we can control and not worry about the things we can't control.  He proposed that we should be curious, be clean, and be Christlike.

I Have No Friends 

I would add, be assertive.  Don't wait around waiting for people to befriend you, take the initiative, be outgoing.  If this suggestion seems daunting, just think how simple it can be to smile and greet someone in a friendly way, then recall Alma's words to Helaman, "By small and simple things are great things brought to pass."  I can testify of the truth of those words.

I had a few friends my sophomore year in high school, which was a few more than I had had in my 9th grade year, when I was so shy that I could only manage a smile when someone said "hi" to me.  As a sophomore I could say "hi" back, and by the end of the year I could even have short conversation.  I set a goal for my junior year to take the initiative, to be the first to say "hi".  It was such a small and simple thing, and yet the results far exceeded my expectations.  Suddenly, it seemed, I had more friends than I ever though it was possible to have, because being assertive allowed me to meet more people with which I could then take the initiative.

Another suggestion, be willing to open up a little.  We allow people to get to know us better by inviting them in.  At the same time, however, remember that less is more.  We don't want to build walls to separate us from others, but at the same time, we don't want to leave ourselves wide open.  Take risks, yes, but make them calculated risks.

Finally, treat others the way you would want to be treated.  The Golden Rule is so simple, and yet it is so amazing.  If you want respect, give it.  If you want kindness, spread it.  While there will be some who might be tempted to take advantage, others will appreciate the respect and kindness you show, and will want to return it themselves.  At the same time, remember that nothing in the Gospel means that you have to be a doormat.  Being meek does not mean being a victim; stand up for yourself and for others when appropriate.

Before I go, I wanted to share another article, this time from the Deseret News.

9 things I wish I had known before my mission

Number two is particularly relevant to this blog:

I wish I had known the importance of preparing early.

Preparing for a mission can begin as early as elementary school with your neighborhood lawn-mowing business. Parents can help their children begin early in planning financially for their missions by opening a mission fund like those available through Deseret First Credit Union. Even if the child chooses not to serve a mission, learning to save money is never a bad idea.

Other helpful preparations involve learning to talk with people from different backgrounds, practicing bicycle safety, getting a driver’s license (this is a real problem) and attending seminary. Lastly, teenagers may want to take the opportunity to practice “unplugging” from technology and social media. Otherwise, it will be a long 18 months or two years.

I would only add, get a copy of Preach My Gospel, learn how to make lesson plans, and then teach some mock discussions to family, friends and other members.