Ours Not to Reason Why

I recently experienced a major life changing event, a diagnoses with type 1 Diabetes.  On the one hand, I wanted to know why this happened, but on the other I had to accept that this was the new reality.  This reminded me of other times in my life when I wondered "why?"  In this life, where we walk by faith, it is not given us to know all the answers, and seeking answers sometimes distracts us from doing the things we need to do.

Consider the Charge of the Light Brigade, a poem by Alfred Lord Tenyson, which describes an event in the Crimean War:

“Forward, the Light Brigade!”
Was there a man dismayed?
Not though the soldier knew
Someone had blundered.

Someone had, indeed, for the charge had been ordered against the wrong hill, and the Light Brigade would ride into the enemy's guns.

Theirs not to make reply,
Theirs not to reason why,
Theirs but to do and die.
Into the valley of Death
Rode the six hundred.

Missionaries may wonder at the reasons for some mission rules.  Or they may wonder why an investigator who had seemed golden, and who was so close to baptism, may suddenly change their mind.  They may wonder why another pair of missonaries, who they see fooling around instead of working, are blessed with a baptism, when they themselves are not, despite their hard work.

Missionaries would do well to remember the words of Robert E. Lee, who commanded the Army of Northern Virginia of the Confederacy, during the American Civil War:

"Duty is the sublimest word in our language.  Do your duty in all things.  You cannot do more.  You should never do less."

Questions can lead to doubts, and doubts can lead to a loss of faith. President Dieter F. Uchtdorf addressed this during the October 2013 General Conference when he said, "There are few members of the Church who, at one time or another, have not wrestled with serious or sensitive questions. One of the purposes of the Church is to nurture and cultivate the seed of faith -- even in the sometimes sandy soil of doubt and uncertainty. Faith is to hope for things which are not seen but which are true."

He went on to say, "Therefore, my dear brothers and sisters -- my dear friends -- please, first doubt your doubts before you doubt your faith. We must never allow doubt to hold us prisoner and keep us from the divine love, peace, and gifts that come through faith in the Lord Jesus Christ."

I do not believe in blind faith, or in putting aside all questions to blindly follow the leaders of the church.  One of the fundamental principles of my faith is that, like the boy Joseph Smith, I can go to my Heavenly Father in prayer to ask about things I do not understand.  But I have also learned that, just as "no" can be an answer to prayer, that God will sometimes not give me the information that I think I need.  He knows what I do not, and He knows best what I need to know and what I do not.  His ways are not my ways.

Yesterday I thought I'd seen it all
I thought I'd climbed the highest wall
But now I see that learning never ends
And all I know to do is keep on walking
'Round the bend

Singing
Why, why, why
Does it go this way
Why, why, why
And all I can say is

Somewhere down the road
There'll be answers to the questions
Somewhere down the road
Though we cannot see it now

And somewhere down the road
You will find mighty arms reaching for you
And they will hold the answers
At the end of the road

Sources:

The Charge of the Light Brigade by Alfred Lord Tenyson, accessed at: http://www.poetryfoundation.org/poem/174586

Come, Join With Us by President Dieter F. Uchtdorf, October 2013, accessed at: https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2013/10/come-join-with-us?lang=eng

Somewhere Down the Road, lyrics by Amy Grant & Wayne Kirkpatric, accessed at: http://www.metrolyrics.com/somewhere-down-the-road-lyrics-faith-hill.html

The Life Ahead: On Coming and Going

You can be the captain
I will draw the chart
Sailing into destiny
Closer to the heart

A month or so ago I drove up to Wellsville, Utah for the homecoming of my nephew, who had just returned from the Bangkok Thailand mission.  As we were having refreshments at his house after the meeting, the bishop stopped by, claiming that he forgot to present my nephew with his missionary plaque.  It turned out, however, that this was a ruse, for the bishop produced an envelope for my niece from the missionary department.  My niece started to cry as she opened the envelope and read that she had been called to the Hong Kong mission.  The bishop had conspired with my niece to surprise her parents.

This prank was recorded and my niece posted the video on YouTube:

This experience of watching my nephew return and my niece receive her call, got me thinking about coming and going -- leaving on a mission and returning home.

When I returned home my father told me about something he saw on the day I left for the MTC in Provo.  He had stopped at the door to my room just as I was getting ready to leave.  He watched as I picked up a model airplane and looked at it for a few moments.  Then I put it down and walked out of the room.  I did not remember doing this, but I suppose that I was thinking about what I was leaving behind.

A few weeks later, after getting off the plane in San Jose, California, I read a poem that dealt with the idea of leaving things behind.  The poem begins with a missionary, while flying out, thinking of his family and friends and asking himself if he wanted the life ahead or the one he was leaving behind.  The poem then jumps two years ahead to this missionary's flight home.  Now he is thinking of his companions, his mission president, and the people he taught and baptized.  Once again he asks if he wants the life ahead or the one he is leaving behind.

For me, leaving on a mission was like starting out on a great adventure.  I knew what I was leaving behind, but I could not wait to "let the journey begin."  The only hard moment I had was after boarding the plane to fly out, for it was then that it hit me that I would not see my family and friends for two years, and I had a hard time holding back the tears.

I found coming home to be much more difficult.  I loved my mission and I did not want to leave it.  Had they asked me to stay for another six months I would have leaped at the chance.  I first asked my mission president for an extension when I had been out only nine or ten months.  At the same time, the last few months were difficult as I often felt that I was being pulled in two different directions.  The end of my mission was fast approaching, and I was looking for the brake pedal.  Yet at the same time, I had thoughts of home, of seeing family and friends again.

One of the fundamental facts of life is that time marches on; we can neither stop it, nor slow it down.  The only thing we can do is make the most of every moment.  You may not realize it, on that hot day, as you tract that long street, that the time will come when you will miss doing this very thing, when you would give almost anything to do it again.  The times I look back on now with nostalgia were those times when my companions and I were working hard, even as appointments canceled on us left and right.

Returning home meant another new beginning, the start of the next adventure.  It meant finding a job and picking a college to attend.  It meant entering the dating scene and looking for the girl I would marry.

I can remember the day I flew home, how I looked out the window and watched the Monterey Peninsula recede into the distance -- Monterey, where I had my first two baptisms, and where my companion and I worked so hard, yet experienced so much adversity as so many appointments stood us up.  The next thing I knew I was looking out the window at the snow covered Wasatch mountains.

After the plane landed, I waited with another missionary until we were the last to get off.  We paused to shake hands and then turned to find our families in the terminal.  I hugged my famiy and said hello, they took me to lunch, and then home where I opened a few Christmas presents, even though it was mid Jaunary.  And then, for the first time in two years, I was alone.  Instead of thinking about what streets in Watsonville my companion and I were going to tract the next day, I had to think of other things to do.  I am sure I started reading my first non-church related book in two years.

But there was one last challenge from my mission to face: my homecoming meeting.  I looked forward to seeing my friends, and I wanted them to see how I had changed, but only one friend was able to attend.  I had my talk all prepared, and I had a lot to say, but the two youth speakers and the ward choir took the first 25 minutes, leaving me but 13.  I thought about getting up, bearing a short testimony and sitting down, but it occured to me that this was the only homecoming meeting I was going to get.  So I started praying for inspiration and, as a result, I probably gave the best talk I have ever given -- going 4 minutes over time.

Some return missionaries may be surprised to find that there is still much to learn, that there is still a strait and narrow path to walk and much more yet to be endured.  There will be challenges in college, at work, in marriage, and in other endeavors in life.

No matter how much adversity one has experienced, or how much one has learned, they are still human and will continue to fall short of perfection because of their weaknesses and inadequacies.  The good news is that the Atonement is there for them, even if their failings are not great sins.  There will always be the the opportunity to humble ourselves and have faith in Christ and to be lifted by His grace.

"Wherefore, ye must press forward with a steadfastness in Christ, having a perfect brightness of hope, and a love of God and of all men. Wherefore, if ye shall press forward, feasting upon the word of Christ, and endure to the end, behold, thus saith the Father: Ye shall have eternal life" (2 Nephi 31:20).