Week 19: Transferred

May 25, 1988

I have been transferred, but first let me tell you about my last week in Palo Alto.

Our teaching appointment with Leslie on Thursday came through.  We practically flew down to her place but she showed up a little late.  When we knocked on the door, her daughter answered and told us that her mother was at her new store in Redwood city.  Thinking we got dogged and feeling dejected, we crossed the street, sat in some shade and decided to wait.  Maybe we could still get lucky.  Then, just as we were about to give up, Leslie drove up.

I taught the first two principles and the steps of prayer. It went really well and she was very open with her concerns. It turns out that Leslie has a degree in anthropology and she has a concern with how the seed of Lehi got here, or that the American Indians are 100% direct descendants from Lehi. She says it does not fit with what she knows. Because of that Milo figures it would take three months to get her into the water.

As we started for home after the teaching appointment, Milo got a flat tire. So we enjoyed a ninety minute walk home.  The teaching appointment was really the highlight of the week.  At one point, we were turning to a scripture in the New Testament we wanted her to read and I gave the page number as found in the LDS edition of the King James Version.  It turns out that the LDS edition numbers pages differently, "There's no such page!" Leslie said.  They didn't teach us that in prep, ha ha.

On Friday morning, Milo and the other elders going home, went to the temple in Oakland.  They then spent the rest of the day across the bay in San Fransisco.  I spent the day with Elders Lake and Able.  Milo did not get back until midnight.

On Saturday, the Menlo Park Stake held a heritage fair.  The zone had a booth with many foreign language copies of the Book of Mormon on display and we spent most of the day there.  At one point, Elder Milo had a disagreement with Elder Baker and my companion told the zone leader to look him in the eye and tell him if he could see even an ounce of concern.  Wow.  As I wrote a couple of weeks ago, Milo does not appear to be intimidated by anyone or anything.

On Monday, I followed Elder Able in the First Ward elder's car while he ran up to the Stanford Clinic for his radiation appointment.

Transfer calls came out at noon on Tuesday.  The call said I was being transferred to Carmel, down by Monterey; in actuality, I have been transferred to the Carmel Ward, but am in a town called Seaside.

Elder Milo left Tuesday afternoon to spend his last night in the mission home before flying back to Louisiana.  I spent part of the evening with Elders Whopper and November and went to a dinner appointment with them at a mansion in Menlo Park.  The mansion belonged to the owner of the Mervyn's department store chain; his housekeeper happens to be a member of the church.  Mr. Mervyn was out of town, and the housekeeper gave us a tour. 

I finished packing this morning and Lake and Able drove me up to meet the transfer van at Edgewood chapel.  Once aboard, the van headed south. At one stop Elder Golf got aboard. He is going to the mission office to become the new mission secretary and be companions with Elder Lima, the financial secretary. We talked a little and I even helped him with his luggage. I do not know about him, but I had no hard feelings.

There were several stops before the van arrived in Salinas, and that is where I met my new companion, Elder Spandau from Hope, Indiana. He has a cast on his left leg because he tore some ligaments while jogging recently. Because of the cast we have a car.

Also transferred in as the new district leader was Elder Tango, who trained Elder Lake. His companion is Elder Victor. We drove over to the coast and our apartment here in Seaside. How ironic is that? In that sub-line transfer joke they played on me in Palo Alto, they said I was going to be transferred to Seaside Apartment. After Tango and I got settled in, the two of us went to Wendy’s for some dinner.

I am excited about this new area and it is great to have a fresh start. Even so, it was not easy leaving Palo Alto. I left behind a lot of members and contacts that I had grown close to. I left behind the coolest ward mission leader, a great bishop, and some great members, that was not easy. But I figure I will be able to settle in here in just a few days.

As the name suggests, this town is by the sea, with Monterey Bay to the west, Monterey to the south, and Fort Ord to the north.  The town itself seems to lie on a series of sand dunes as many of the north-south streets rise and fall along the hills.  This place is the opposite of Palo Alto, which was almost entirely flat; there are also significantly fewer trees as compared to my last area.

Life is Good!

Love

Douglas

Week 18: Learning is Success

May 18, 1988

Things are starting to pick up a little around here.  Tomorrow, if all goes well, I will teach my first standard discussion to Leslie.  Woo Hoo!

Last Thursday we went out to check on some old call backs that we hadn't managed to get back to.  The first was not interested, the second was not home, and the third was busy and asked us to come back.

On Friday we stayed in and studied.  There does not seem to be much work to do; we could tract but the fact that it is typically fruitless is not very appealing. We could try to see members, but they are usually not home as both parents typically work.  I can see Elder Golf's point of view, but he taught and baptized here. He had success here. The most success I have had is getting in off a door approach. I also have not had success anywhere else as this is my first area.

We did more studying on Saturday before going out in the afternoon.  When we returned to our flat in the evening, we ran into a group of born-agains in the parking lot of the apartment complex.  They saw us and pounced.  The ring leader asked us how we were "saved."  I answered by talking about accepting Christ as our Savior, repenting of our sins and being baptized into His church.  I was interrupted and the discussion went off on the necessity of baptism.

"Do we need to be raised on a cross to die and be resurrected to follow Christ's example?" asked the ring leader.  My companion answered, and when it appeared that he was getting the upper hand, the born-agains immediately changed the subject.  The ring leader claimed that the Book of Mormon is false and said that “no man could add to the Bible.” He said that he had read parts of it and knew it was not true. He said that Joseph Smith was a thrill seeker.

When they changed the subject from baptism I just stopped talking, as I realized it would do no good.  At one point, however, I was about to respond when Elder Milo stopped me.  The discussion continued for a few more minutes between my companion and the ring leader, who kept changing the subject each time Milo started making a good argument.  Then the born-agains claimed that they had to leave, but in a show of bravado challenged us to attend a revival the following week.  If we had any guts we would be there, the ring leader claimed, but the location is out of our zone.

It rained on Monday, so we stayed in and studied.  That night I followed Elder Able on my bike as he went running.  As we were going along, a thought hit me: “The fact that I have learned so much here makes this a successful area.” Wow, what a true statement! I am not the same person that stepped off the plane in San Jose.  I have learned so much there is just no way that I can list all the lessons. I have learned and I have grown. I have overcome challenges. In four months I have noticed a lot of improvement in my ability to communicate with others. But I am ready to move on to the next battlefield.

On Tuesday, we taught a new member lesson to a member of the Palo Alto First Ward who was baptized last November.  After that, we hopped down to Corina to see Leslie, and that is when we scheduled the appoint for tomorrow.

I am having some mixed feelings.  As I said, I am ready for the next battlefield, yet there is a small part of me that actually wants to stay here in Palo Alto.  I want to see where the discussions go with Leslie, but outside of that I am truly ready to move on.

Hope all is well at home.

Love

Douglas

"Judge Righteous Judgements"

I like a good sea story, and a number of years ago I came across the following:

On board a four-pipe destroyer proceeding through the quiet waters of the Caribbean, the executive officer was not convinced that the engine room was giving him the precise speed he ordered, and so set about measuring the ship's actual speed. He would throw a chip of wood into the water from the bow, start his stopwatch, run the length of the ship, and stop his watch when the ship's stern passed the chip in the water. Knowing how long it had taken the 341-foot ship to pass the stationary chip, he could calculate her speed.

The only problem was that every time the exec started his dash aft, he ran into various crew members, and never made it to the stern in time to see the chip pass. A particular bottleneck was the galley passageway, where all traffic had to funnel through a narrow aisle on one side of the ship.

The skipper watched this operation with growing irritation, until finally he told the exec that he would run interference for him. So off they went, the skipper in the lead, with the exec holding his stopwatch aloft as they headed for the stern at full speed.

As this strange procession reached the galley passageway, the skipper began to shout, "Look out for the Exec! Look out for the Exec!" in order to clear out any approaching traffic. The ship's baker, busily baking pies in the galley and unaware of the circumstances, looked up from his work, took the situation at face value, and did his duty as he saw it. He waited for the skipper to pass, who obviously was being threatened by the beserk exec pursuing him, and laid out the exec with a single blow of his rolling pin.

Things are not always as they seem -- they might only rarely be what they seem, in fact -- so taking things at face value can be risky.  We often judge people based on first impressions, but sometimes we find out later that our first impression of them was ill informed.  In the Sermon on the Mount, the Savior warned us about judging: "Judge not, that ye be not judged. For with what judgment ye judge, ye shall be judged: and with what measure ye mete, it shall be measured to you again."

In the footnotes, we read that in his translation this passage, Joseph Smith rendered it this way: "Judge not unrighteously, that ye be not judged; but judge righteous judgement."  In a March 1998 address at BYU, Elder Dallin H. Oaks talked about the difference between final judgements and intermediate judgements:

"I have been puzzled that some scriptures command us not to judge and others instruct us that we should judge and even tell us how to do it. But as I have studied these passages I have become convinced that these seemingly contradictory directions are consistent when we view them with the perspective of eternity. The key is to understand that there are two kinds of judging: final judgments, which we are forbidden to make, and intermediate judgments, which we are directed to make, but upon righteous principles."

Elder Oaks added that, "We must, of course, make judgments every day in the exercise of our moral agency, but we must be careful that our judgments of people are intermediate and not final."  The question, then, is how do we make righteous, intermediate judgements?  Elder Oaks gave some guidelines in his talk:

"First, a righteous judgment must, by definition, be intermediate. It will refrain from declaring that a person has been assured of exaltation or from dismissing a person as being irrevocably bound for hellfire. It will refrain from declaring that a person has forfeited all opportunity for exaltation or even all opportunity for a useful role in the work of the Lord. The gospel is a gospel of hope, and none of us is authorized to deny the power of the Atonement to bring about a cleansing of individual sins, forgiveness, and a reformation of life on appropriate conditions.

"Second, a righteous judgment will be guided by the Spirit of the Lord, not by anger, revenge, jealousy, or self-interest. The Book of Mormon teaches: “For behold, my brethren, it is given unto you to judge, that ye may know good from evil; and the way to judge is as plain … as the daylight is from the dark night.

“For behold, the Spirit of Christ is given to every man, that he may know good from evil” (Moro. 7:15–16). . . .

"Third, to be righteous, an intermediate judgment must be within our stewardship. We should not presume to exercise and act upon judgments that are outside our personal responsibilities. . . .

"Fourth, we should, if possible, refrain from judging until we have adequate knowledge of the facts."

Elder Oaks quoted William George Jordan as saying:

“We do not need to judge nearly so much as we think we do. This is the age of snap judgments. … [We need] the courage to say, ‘I don’t know. I am waiting further evidence. I must hear both sides of the question.’ It is this suspended judgment that is the supreme form of charity.”

The ship's baker in the sea story above made a snap judgement without possessing all of the facts.  BYU professor Arthur R. Bassett related in the June 1991 issue of the Ensign the following experience in which he did not have all the facts in a class he was teaching:

“I was troubled when one person whispered to another all through the opening prayer. The guilty parties were not hard to spot because they continued whispering all through the class. I kept glaring at them, hoping that they would take the hint, but they didn’t seem to notice. Several times during the hour, I was tempted to ask them to take their conversation outside if they felt it was so urgent—but fortunately something kept me from giving vent to my feelings.

“After the class, one of them came to me and apologized that she hadn’t explained to me before class that her friend was deaf. The friend could read lips, but since I was discussing—as I often do—with my back to the class, writing at the chalkboard and talking over my shoulder, my student had been ‘translating’ for her friend, telling her what I was saying. To this day I am thankful that both of us were spared the embarrassment that might have occurred had I given vent to a judgment made without knowing the facts”

Elder Oaks offered another guideline for making intermediate judgements as he acknowledged that there are circumstances where we have to make at least a preliminary judgement while waiting to gather more information:

"A fifth principle of a righteous intermediate judgment is that whenever possible we will refrain from judging people and only judge situations. This is essential whenever we attempt to act upon different standards than others with whom we must associate—at home, at work, or in the community. We can set and act upon high standards for ourselves or our homes without condemning those who do otherwise."

There are two more guidelines for making righteous intermediate judgements:

"Sixth, forgiveness is a companion principle to the commandment that in final judgments we judge not and in intermediate judgments we judge righteously. The Savior taught, “Judge not, and ye shall not be judged: condemn not, and ye shall not be condemned: forgive, and ye shall be forgiven” (Luke 6:37). In modern revelation the Lord has declared, “I, the Lord, will forgive whom I will forgive, but of you it is required to forgive all men” (D&C 64:10). . . .

"Seventh, a final ingredient or principle of a righteous judgment is that it will apply righteous standards. If we apply unrighteous standards, our judgment will be unrighteous. By falling short of righteous standards, we place ourselves in jeopardy of being judged by incorrect or unrighteous standards ourselves."

The gospel of Jesus Christ is a gospel of love; the Savior commanded us to love God with all our heart, mind, might, and strength, and to love our neighbor as ourselves (Matt 22:37-40); he taught us to "love one another; as I have love you" (John 13:34).


"May God bless us that we may have that love," concluded Elder Oaks, "and that we may show it in refraining from making final judgments of our fellowman. In those intermediate judgments we are responsible to make, may we judge righteously and with love. . . . May we be examples of His love and His gospel."


Sources:

Jamison, J. P. (1998) "Look Out for the Exec." Proceedings, September 1998.

Oaks, D. H. (1999). "'Judge Not' and Judging." Ensign, August 1999. Accessed November 11, 2014 at LDS.org: https://www.lds.org/ensign/1999/08/judge-not-and-judging?lang=eng

Week 17: Commitment

May 11, 1988

On Thursday, my new companion and I walked down to the bank on University Ave, got haircuts, and then hopped over to Walgreens to pick up slides I had taken to get developed.  The slides are from the first three rolls of film I have shot on my mission, beginning in the MTC.  In the afternoon, we went to check on a referral; he said he was not interested, but we were able to give him a audio cassette of Our Heavenly Father's Plan and our phone number.

We called Lloyd, one of our contacts, on Friday morning.  When we asked if we could set up an appointment he replied, "Well, like I said at the onset: I'm Catholic and I'll probably die Catholic and I'm not really interested in changing."  He went on to say, "I don't know that I'm really searching.  I thank you for your dedication, but I think you would better spend your time teaching someone who is interested."  Essentially, he dropped us; as it was, however, I was considering dropping him if we had been unable to set up an appointment.

In the afternoon we rode our bikes all the way down to Leslie's place on Corina.  We chatted with her for ten minutes, and hopefully built a relationship of trust by getting to know her.  She is opening her own shop on the fifteenth, she fixes up antiques and makes quilts.  After the opening, her schedule should ease up so we can start teaching her.  She is interested in learning more and looks promising.  Leslie is one of the few reasons I might want to stay in Palo Alto.

After that, we went tracting. At one house we almost had a Book of Mormon placed when this lady acted like we offended her. She gave the book back and told me to cross her name off the tracting card. This bummed Elder Milo out bad.

On Saturday, we stayed in the flat most of the day and studied.  In the early evening, we hopped down to the ward mission leader's home but missed the WML again. We talked to his wife, who said their son Josh wasn’t feeling well, in fact rather bad. She asked us to give Josh a priesthood blessing; I did the anointing.

Elder Milo is incredibly outgoing; he doesn’t seem to be intimidated by anyone or anything. So imagine my surprise when he told me that before he came out he was so shy that he couldn’t even order a hamburger at a fast food restaurant. In fact, he didn’t even speak at his farewell; he has a twin brother and the meeting was for both of them. He didn’t even show up to the meeting until the last five or ten minutes. The bishop asked if he would come up and bear his testimony and he declined.

After being out awhile another missionary pointed out that it was all just intimidation. Milo realized that he was allowing that girl behind the counter at the fast food place to intimidate him and that struck him as ridiculous. I wrote about Elder Sierra last week, he and Milo demonstrate that remarkable transformations are possible on a mission.

We had a zone conference on Tuesday up (or down, according to the locals) in San Mateo.  If there was a theme it would have been obedience to the mission rules.  I got up during the testimony session in the afternoon and talked about how I had committed to living the mission rules.  I read 1 Nephi 3:7 -- "I will go and do the things which the Lord hath commanded. . . ." -- and then Helaman 10:4-5:

"Blessed art thou Nephi, for those things which thou hast done: for I have beheld how thou hast with unwearyingness declared the word, which I have given unto thee, unto this people.  And thou hast not feared them, and hast not sought thine own life, but hast sought my will, and to keep my commandments.  And now, because thou hast done this with such unwearyingness, behold, I will bless thee forever; and I will make thee mighty in word and in deed, in faith and in works; yea, even that all things shall be done unto thee according to thy word; for thou shalt not ask that which is contrary to my will."

I then said that in the MTC, it was easy to live the mission rules, but when I got out here, I was timid of what others might think, so I have not been diligent in keeping my commitment to live the mission rules.  I blamed myself for the lack of anything going on in the Palo Alto Second Ward.  I considered breaking my commitment to be a transgression, and I apologized to President Douglas.  I then committed with him to live the mission rules.  I said that it didn't matter what others thought because I knew I would be blessed in the long run.

After I sat down, it occurred to me that some might think that I was brown-nosing, but mostly some missionaries told me that what I did took guts. My flat-mates said I did a good job. President Douglas thanked me and said that he knew I would hang in there.

Meanwhile, Milo is driving me crazy, trying to get me trunky.  But I am looking forward too much to what lies ahead in the next 20 months.

Today was a hot one, the hottest since I got here.  We played basketball this morning then went to the hills in Woodside to play nine holes of golf on the worst course ever.  Seriously, there were gopher holes everywhere.  Perhaps the shoddy grounds keeping explains why a group of missionaries was able to afford playing a round or two here.  In my third ever round of nine holes -- the priest quorum played on a course in Park City two years ago as an activity -- I shot a 54 on a par 29.

All is well here.

Love

Douglas

Missionary in 30 Seconds

If you were looking for a job and happened to stop by and visit an LDS employment center, at some point you would hear about something called "Me in 30 Seconds."  According to LDS Jobs.org:

"A 'Me in 30 Seconds' statement is a simple way to present to someone else a balanced understanding of who you are. It piques the interest of a listener who invites you to 'Tell me a little about yourself,' and it provides a brief and compelling answer to the question 'Why should I hire you?'

"Me in 30 Seconds" statements have also been called "30 Second Elevator Pitches" or just "elevator statements" because chance meetings in elevators have provided opportunities for networking.

A "Me in 30 Seconds" might have statements that begin with the words "I am", I have", "I can," and "I want to".  Also included might be sentences called "power statements."

A "power statement' is a concise statement "that briefly describe[s] the value you can bring to the organization."  Such statements can highlight a "a strength you have, and show how you have used that strength to achieve results."  Good power statements include "power words" such as "self-starter", "creative", "motivated", "resourceful" and "teachable", among others, as well a an achievement.

For a Me in 30 seconds, with power statements, I might say:

"I am Douglas Cox.  I am smart; I enjoy reading and writing about history and I am good at doing research.  I am flexible; I have many years of office experience in different industries, including printing, binding, publishing and medical records.  I am teachable; I have done accounts receivable, invoicing, accounts payable, estimating off a price list, manuscript reviews and quality control of transcribed medical reports.  I am reliable; I have handled $500,000 in accounts payable without incident.  I am confident that I can do just about anything in a general office setting."

A "Me in 30 Seconds" statement can be a powerful tool for a job hunter, but what about for a missionary, or a member missionary?  Could we have a different kind of statement, one that focuses on sharing the gospel, and call it a "Missionary in 30 Seconds" statement?  Consider the following statement in 3 Nephi chapter 5:

"I am called Mormon. . . .  Behold, I am a disciple of Jesus Christ, the Son of God.  I have been called of him to declare his word among his people, that they might have everlasting life. . . .  Therefore I do make my record. . . .  And I know the record which I make to be a just and true record. . . .  I have reason to bless my God and my Savior Jesus Christ, that he brought our fathers out of Jerusalem . . . and that he hath given me and my people so much knowledge unto the salvation of our souls" (see verses 12-20).

A missionary in 30 seconds statement can include statements that begin with the words "I am", "I have", "I can", and "I know".  It can have "power statements" with which we bear testimony of the truthfulness of the gospel.  Most importantly, it can have an invitation or a challenge to the listener to hear more.

For a full time missionary, some version of a missionary in 30 statement can be used in street contacting or door knocking, or any other finding activity.  For a member missionary, a missionary in 30 statement can be a ready statement to use in an expected or unexpected missionary opportunity.

What would you say in your "missionary in 30 seconds" statement?


Sources:

"'Me in 30 Seconds" Statements" accessed at LDSjobs.org (https://www.ldsjobs.org/ers/ct/articles/me-in-30-seconds-statements?lang=eng)

"Presenting Your Skills" accessed at LDSjobs.org (https://www.ldsjobs.org/ers/ct/articles/power-statements?lang=eng)

Week 16: Shakeup

May 5, 1988

On Thursday and Friday we had to deal with a clogged kitchen sink.  In fact, on Friday morning we woke up to find that the sink had backed up, leaving us a nice mess to clean.

On Friday, the zone leaders came down for another chat.  Elder Baker talked with Elder Lake and then sat down with me; I guess he knew that things haven’t been too great with me.  I told him how I felt, that I was discouraged and had a confidence problem.  I said that I had come into the mission field with an inferiority complex because I had grown up with heavy persecution in school and in the neighborhood, and even at home.  I said that I didn’t know who I was.

Baker said that he had faced a lot of persecution, too, and that everyone comes out not knowing who they are.  He said that the best thing I could do is share my feelings with others, particularly my companion.  He said that I would learn more just talking about myself with them.

After that we went out to the living room and talked with Lake and Elder Beach.  We had a good discussion, particularly Baker and I, and we learned a lot about each other as I repeated what I had told Baker.  Lake, Baker and Beach each made some comments, presented some good ideas, and even paid me some compliments.  They said I have a good jump shot, and if I have enough time I usually make it.  Baker also complimented my mind; he said I was a good thinker and had a good memory.  I didn’t think anybody noticed such things.  I also found out Baker is a photographer like me.

Baker then told me something about his previous companion, Elder Sierra.  When he came out, Sierra was extremely shy and during his two month training period probably said no more than five words.  But Sierra set a goal to change and did a lot of soul searching.  Sierra is now an assistant to the president.

On Saturday, Elder Lake went down to the mission office with Elder Lima for an interview with President Douglas.  When they came back they said that President Douglas now has a better understanding of the situation. They also said that I should be leaving the next transfer for sure. Also, Lima will be going to the office to replace Elder Studebaker who is going home soon. President Douglas is thinking about leaving only two elders to cover both of the Palo Alto wards, but it is not definite yet.

On Tuesday, President Douglas spoke with Elder Whopper at the monthly leadership meeting.  Later in the day, Whopper told me that he is going to try and get me teaching on team-ups so I can get some experience.  The sentiment is great, but it is not the experience that is important.  I’m not sure how much it will help my confidence to teach someone else’s investigators.

On Tuesday night, Elder Able and I had a discussion about mission rules.  I remained firm in my position about living the rules.  He said that he doesn’t care much about “our” rules because they are not “his” rules.  In the Fresno mission he was allowed to do some things, like weightlifting, that he is not allowed to do here in the San Jose mission.

On Wednesday morning, we played some basketball with the zone leaders and the Menlo Park elders, followed by some football in the afternoon.  A couple of months ago, when we played some football up at Woodland Hills, I couldn't catch the ball to save my life; today I made a few catches, which means that I am getting better.

We were in for some big surprises when we got back to the flat.  Instead of finding Elder Lima waiting for us with Elder Able, we found an Elder Milo.  Lima had been transferred to the office to get some training from Studebaker before he goes home.

But wait, there’s more.  At first Elder Lake and I were going to be moved over to cover the Palo Alto First Ward.  After our zone meeting tonight, however, Lake risked calling President Douglas to suggest that he and Able take the First Ward while making Milo my companion.  President Douglas agreed to this arrangement, probably because it was a little less radical than swapping wards.

So, I've got another new companion!  Milo is going home to Shreveport, Louisiana in three weeks -- on the twenty-fifth -- less than twenty days, really.  I am beginning to feel like the mission orphan, like no one wants me.  I am getting juggled around like crazy, in the same apartment, in the same ward.

I am badly discouraged and things do not look to be getting better.  One year ago I started attending missionary prep, so I had eight months of prep and now I have been out four months.  I have yet to teach a real discussion to a real investigator, and I am certainly not actively teaching anyone anything.  I’m foundering as if I have gone aground on a coral reef.

Well, that's about all that is going on out here.  Hope all is well at home.

Love

Douglas

--

As it would turn out, my new companion would be a breath of fresh air, and the change was probably one of the best things that could have happened.