Christ-Centered Healing from Depression and Low Self-Worth

I know what you are thinking, why am I writing about depression? Discouragement, frustration, and even depression can impact missionaries.  The work is often difficult, many areas are slow, some companions are impossible to get a long with, each of these things can lead to discouragement and even depression.  Hard working missionaries may become disillusioned as they see other, less-hard working missionaries have the success they themselves are not having.  Missionaries experiencing adversity may start questioning their self worth if they blame themselves for lack of success.  Any of these things can lead to the downward spiral of depression.

It seems that I have always had to deal with what used to be called melancholia, much like Abraham Lincoln.  But I think that I experienced my first real depressive episode as an adult while on my mission.  I had been out nearly 18 months and was experiencing the challenge of a difficult companion.  This elder had been with me earlier in the MTC, and he arrived in our area with a reputation for working as hard, or not, as his companion.  In fact, however, by the time we were assigned to work together, he had given up.  He said one day that he didn't know why he was on a mission, and I wanted to tell him to figure it out soon because I knew why I was there and I had work to do.

Well, I didn't say that, as I didn't think it would be appropriate.  I learned quickly that I could not motivate this elder to work; he often slept through the morning and was rarely ready to go until the afternoon.  With each passing day my frustration grew.  One of our zone leaders suggested that I get ready to go and then go outside and stand by my bike; the idea being that perhaps my companion would get the idea, get ready, then come out and join me.  When I tried this I was out by my bike for 15 to 20 minutes, but my companion never came outside.  After I finally gave up, I went back into the apartment to find my companion sitting on the couch eating breakfast -- he hadn't even realized I was outside!

Frustration turned into anger which turned into discouragement.  I read a statement in a book a number of years ago which said that bitterness can turn into self-blame, even when such blame is not supported by the facts.  Adding to my self-blame was the simple fact that I was the senior companion, therefore I was responsible.

We were assigned together for three months and we hardly worked because sooner or later I gave up trying to motivate my companion to work.  In third month, in an interview with the mission president, I took full responsibility for the lack of work, and his disappointment in me was another dagger to my heart.  I prayed every night for forgiveness, but it was without faith because of my depression.

You might be surprised to learn, by the way, that during these three difficult months, we actually had two baptisms.  I can't say that either were the result of hard work on our part, though I did try to do my best when given the opportunity to teach these individuals when we received referrals to them from members in our area.

Perhaps a depressive episode such as the one I experienced is rare among missionaries; yet, perhaps, depression may be more prevalent than we might expect.  Certainly, missionaries can count on experiencing discouragement.  The following videos may contain some helpful information for dealing with discouragement and depression, even for missionaries.  The first video contains some highlights from a talk given by Carrie M. Wrigley, a licensed clinical social worker (LCSW) in 2005 at BYU Eduction Week.  The second video is of the entire 55 minute talk by Sister Wrigley.

The second video can be found here (link):

http://www.byutv.org/watch/76dec84f-0d69-4f60-90fd-38cc41bb51aa/byu-education-week-carrie-m-wrigley-2005