Joseph Smith said of James 1:5 that “Never did any passage of scripture come with more power to the heart of man than this did at this time to mine.” I will not try to compete with Joseph on this but my experience was similar to his. I had plenty of weaknesses, but the question now was how to humble myself and have faith. To find the answer I started reading The Book of Mormon.
At times I felt that it was a struggle to exercise faith, but there were also days when the Lord answered my prayers with needed help and with needed answers to some difficult questions. There were certain things that I stopped caring so much about, and an amazing thing happened: Some of those good things I worried about because they were not happening, started to happen. I had faith in Jesus Christ, I knew that my Heavenly Father loved me, I loved both of them, and this brought happiness.
Still, there were some lessons that I needed to go on a mission to learn. I was blessed with several good examples in the mission field. One of my first zone leaders was a pretty amazing missionary, and at the end of my first two months in California he was called to be an assistant to the mission president. Subsequent to that, his former companion who was still one of my zone leaders told me about that elder’s amazing transformation. When he first arrived in San Jose, this elder was extremely shy and quiet -- he said all of five words in his first two months, but he set a goal and did a lot of soul searching. As noted, he eventually became an A.P.
One of my first few companions was also very shy when he first arrived in the mission field. He was so shy that he didn't even speak at his farewell. He had a twin brother and the meeting was for both of them, but my future companion did not show up to the meeting until the last five or ten minutes, and he sat in the back of the chapel. The bishop saw him and asked if he would like to come up and bear his testimony, but this elder just waved him off. He was probably trying to act cool, but in reality he was scared to death.
This missionary couldn’t even order himself a hamburger at a fast food restaurant he was so shy. But then someone explained to this elder that it was all just intimidation, and he realized that he was allowing the girl behind the counter to intimidate him, as he was other people. By the time I met him, some two years later, it was obvious that he was not intimidated by anything or anyone.
Those who go on missions have an amazing opportunity, they can humble themselves, have faith, and through the grace of their Savior, they can have their weaknesses become strengths. What is really amazing is how much they can learn in just two short years. I learned more in my two years than in all the years before or since, though I am still learning.
Yet another of my zone leaders argued that we should not measure success by leadership positions we held or even by how hard we worked, much less by the number of baptisms we had. Rather, we should measure success on a mission by the strength of our relationship with the Savior. Consider that “when ye are in the service of your fellow beings, ye are only in the service of your God” and “how knoweth a man a master whom he hath not served.” Missionaries have a wonderful opportunity to come to know their Savior as they serve him.
Those who did not have the opportunity to serve a mission, as well as those who did serve and have returned home, still have this amazing opportunity. They still have opportunities to serve the Lord, to humble themselves, have faith and have their weaknesses become strengths. Some return missionaries may be surprised to find that there is still a need for this kind of opportunity; they may be surprised that there is still much to learn, that there is still a strait and narrow path to walk and much more yet to be endured.
No matter how much adversity one has experienced, or how much one has learned, they are still human and will continue to fall short of perfection because of their weaknesses and inadequacies. The good news is that the Atonement is there for them, even if their failings are not great sins. There will always be the the opportunity to humble ourselves and have faith in Christ and to be lifted by His grace.
Everyone has down times occasionally, and everyone experiences feelings of inadequacy – though they may have experienced a mighty change of heart, they don't always feel like singing the song of redeeming love. This is in no small part due to the conditions we face here in mortality and the ideals or teachings we aspire to live by. Elder Bruce C. Hafen of the Seventy has written that there is a gap between reality and the life we strive to live in keeping the commandments and following the Savior's example. We are commanded to “be ye therefore perfect, even as your Father in heaven is perfect” and yet we keep falling short.
Some people respond by discarding the ideal. They say it is too hard so why even try; we will be much happier if we accept reality and do not try to live an impossible ideal. Others ignore reality and say that they have already reached the ideal, even as they continue to fall short just like the rest of us. Falling short does not mean that we are willfully rebelling against God, it only means that we are human. The Atonement is not just for sinners – though as Paul said, “For all have sinned and come short of the glory of God” -- it is also for those striving for perfection; for those who have gone from bad to good and are trying to go from good to better.
We strive, we stretch, we reach, and still we fall short; yet by humbling ourselves and having faith in Christ we can by lifted by His grace. We stretch and struggle, but as we humble ourselves and have faith our weakness becomes strong unto us through the grace of Christ.
I sought to humble myself and have faith while on my mission, and sought my own transformation. What I found, regarding my quiet personality, is that shyness is easy to overcome but that didn't mean I was going to become a great conversationalist. I can still be very quiet, but when talking about a subject I know a lot about, like military history, or when bearing testimony, I can find the words, and even more, I can speak with power. I am not telling you this to brag, for – at least when I am discussing the gospel and bearing testimony -- it is the spirit that is giving me the words. I can testify to the truthfulness of Ether 12:27, but not just from my own experience, but because of the transformations I have seen in others.
Some of the worst things that happen to us are the things we do to ourselves; the doubts we entertain, the grudges that we carry, the habits we pick up and the sins we commit. Nephi saw the Son of God, yet he felt to say once “O wretched man that I am” because of the sins and temptations which so easily beset him. We may sometimes feel as Nephi did; if so we should say as he did “Awake, my soul! No longer droop in sin. Rejoice, O my heart, and give place no more for the enemy of my soul. . . . Rejoice, O my heart, and cry unto the Lord, and say: O Lord, I will praise thee forever: yea, my soul will rejoice in thee, my God, and the rock of my salvation.”
And I would add, “Let me not forget, O Savior, thou didst bleed and die for me, When thy heart was stilled and broken, On the cross at Calvary.”
“He died in holy innocence, A broken law to recompense.” But he lives! "He lives who once was dead," “He lives, all glory to his name! He lives, my savior still the same. O sweet the joy this sentence gives, I know that my Redeemer lives.”
God lives, Jesus is the Christ, the Holy Messiah, this is His church, Joseph Smith was a prophet and the Book of Mormon is true, and there is no sorrow which God cannot heal.
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