"We Are Fragile"

When I was 14, a group of girls tried to play a joke on me.  One day at school, one of them handed me a note, supposedly written by another girl.  This note said that this girl loved me "lots and lots" and that she wanted me to ask her to go with me.  The note also said that she thought I was a "hunk."  I didn't really buy what the note was trying to sell as I was rather confident that this girl did not actually like me.  In my next class that day, I sat near the front and as I waited for the class to start, it felt as if every eye in the room was watching me.

Even though I didn't fall for the note, it still had a big impact on me.  I had always liked girls -- I had my first crush on a girl in the first grade -- but before the note the crushes I had had were innocent, and they seemed less so after the note.  Perhaps more significantly, the first time a girl ever told me she loved me, I knew it was a lie, and as she also said that I was a "hunk", I was pretty sure that wasn't true, either.

Because I didn't give these girls the satisfaction of falling for their joke, they tried on several more occasions, via more notes and a few phone calls, to persuade me that the girl whose name had been signed at the bottom of the note did in fact like me.  I still didn't buy it, but that didn't mean that I just forgot about the note, or any of the other things they tried.

After several months had passed, I was still upset, and I wanted some kind of revenge.  I wrote a few notes of my own, some of which I passed on, some which I did not.  At one point I started following this group of girls as they walked home from school, and I did this every day for several more months, earning from them the nickname "shadow."

Eventually I forgot about the note, or just moved on.  It was not the first time someone played a joke on me or bullied me, and it would not be the last.  Yet the note had an impact far out of proportion for what it actually was.  In the years that followed I had such a negative self image that I could not see myself as anything other than plain and quiet, even boring.  I wanted so much for people to accept me, and I wanted very much for a girl to like me as more than a friend.

Even at age 46, after more than 20 years of marriage, I sometimes struggle with my self image.  I can still hear the voices that whisper that I am nothing, that I am plain, quiet and boring.  The adversary knows just how to rob me of confidence, and to get me second guessing, not just myself, but everything.

I thought of this story from my past today when I came across a music video by Anna Richey called "Fragile."

I also found an article about the song:

Behind "Fragile" 

"I wanted to write this song to help people remember that we are all fragile," writes Richey, "we all get hurt, and we sometimes hurt each other. But if we turn to God, we can find peace. . . .  This is a song of hope. It talks about a boy and a girl who are going through hard times where they feel like nobody notices them or they’re being bullied. The music starts out very soft, but it builds up -- like hope! The music says if you endure to the end, everything will be fine."

Another video for the song can be found at LDS.org:

Fragile 

Some who watch that video may recognize bits incorporated from another LDS.org video:

Bullying -- Stop It.

This video has excerpts from this General Conference talk by President Dieter F. Uchtdorf:

The Merciful Obtain Mercy

In this talk, President Uchtdorf counsels us, "This topic of judging others could actually be taught in a two-word sermon. When it comes to hating, gossiping, ignoring, ridiculing, holding grudges, or wanting to cause harm, please apply the following:

"Stop it!

"It’s that simple. We simply have to stop judging others and replace judgmental thoughts and feelings with a heart full of love for God and His children. God is our Father. We are His children. We are all brothers and sisters."

Later on he adds, "My dear brothers and sisters, consider the following questions as a self-test:

"Do you harbor a grudge against someone else?

"Do you gossip, even when what you say may be true?

"Do you exclude, push away, or punish others because of something they have done?

"Do you secretly envy another?

"Do you wish to cause harm to someone?

"If you answered yes to any of these questions, you may want to apply the two-word sermon from earlier: stop it!

"In a world of accusations and unfriendliness, it is easy to gather and cast stones. But before we do so, let us remember the words of the One who is our Master and model: 'He that is without sin among you, let him first cast a stone.'

"Brothers and sisters, let us put down our stones.

"Let us be kind.

"Let us forgive.

"Let us talk peacefully with each other.

"Let the love of God fill our hearts.

“'Let us do good unto all men.'”

Let me start by saying to any from that group of girls who may be reading this that you are forgiven, and I hope that you can forgive me.