“The Son of Man Hath Descended Below Them All, Art Thou Greater Than He?”

My first area in California was in Palo Alto, and included at least part of the campus of Stanford University.  We often went onto campus on our P-days to visit such places as the Rodin Sculpture Garden and the Memorial Church (which we called the "great and spacious building").  The latter was an impressive structure and has been called "the University's architectural crown jewel."  Among the many architectural features of the church there are inscribed on the interior walls many inspirational quotes.  On one particular P-day I noticed the following quote, and was so inspired that I wrote in down:

"There are but few on earth free from cares, none but carry burdens of sorrow, and if all were asked to make a package of their troubles, and throw this package on a common pile, and then were asked to go and choose a package which they were willing to bear, all would select their own package again.  Your heartaches may be great, burdens heavy, but look about you, and with whom would you change?"

I have written before that the first four months of my mission were difficult, that it appeared that the Lord had something else on the agenda besides teaching and baptizing.  At the time my mother wrote me several letters that were helpful.  Among the thoughts she wrote were these:

“Know that the Lord will not permit you to have more problems than you can deal with.  Be confident because of your faith in him. . . . Lean on the Lord. Trials can help you come closer to him.” 

“I will have to inform you that trials (or ‘opposition in all things’) continue for life, so be prepared. Your attitude will get you through.” 

“People are always moving around and doing new things. The Lord knows you and what’s in your heart and will do right by you.”

She also quoted Dr. Scott Peck from The Road Less Traveled: “Once we truly understand that life is difficult – once we truly understand it and accept it then life is no longer difficult. Because once it is accepted, the fact that life is so difficult no longer matters. Life is a series of problems.”

The Prophet Joseph Smith once said that “The things of God are of deep import and time and experience and careful and ponderous and solemn thoughts can only find them out.”  He knew whereof he spoke because he had spent time and gained experience in Liberty Jail.  There he received a revelation in which the Lord listed many awful things that could happen to him and that these things would give him experience and be for his good.  Then He said, “The son of man hath descended below them all, art thou greater than he?”

Adversity is a fact of life, it is how we learn and grow so that we can become like our Heavenly Father if we submit ourselves to Him.  Sometimes we face intense challenges that are of a relatively short duration, such as what happened on Omaha Beach on D-Day, the Sixth of June 1944.  Other times we may face less intense challenges, but of a longer duration, such as the fighting in the hedgerows of Normandy after D-Day.  Sometimes, with little rest we may go from our Omaha Beach and into the hedgerows.
 

Some trials may affect us our entire lives.  On July 24, 1985, my mother collapsed at home due to a brain tumor; though she lived, the surgery to remove the tumor effectively cost her her short term memory.  At the time she was very near the completion of her college degree.  After recovering she went back to school only to experience great difficulty.  She wrote me about one particular episode:

 “I just learned something new that I think will really help me.  My patriarchal blessing tells me over and over that I will influence people for good.  I haven’t been too effective at home, my Relief Society teaching is likely at an end, etc.  In my Spanish 4 and 5 class, however, they interviewed me and found I’d had a brain tumor.  They thought that meant I’d had cancer.  They think I’m a class heroine.  When I checked out of Spanish 5 (I could see that I couldn’t go on and get my B.A. without the ability to memorize), they wrote cards and called to get me to come back.  They saw me as someone who was persisting with life despite difficulties and I was a positive influence to them.  Sometimes we don’t understand the Lord’s reasoning or his timetable and we become discouraged, but there is hope in the future.  If you get discouraged, just remember your old mother got discouraged, too, before she saw answers.”

My mother did not get her degree even though she was just a few credits short of graduation.  In addition to her fellow students, my mother helped me through the trials I experienced on my mission.  I have referred to those two years as the University of My Life.  I learned more in those two years than at any other time in my life.  My mother helped me to learn some of those lessons.

A Return to Character and Integrity

A 2006 Gallup Poll showed that 80 percent of Americans rated the moral condition of our country as fair or poor and thought it was worsening.  Recent events may have served to highlight the decline in America's moral condition, and there are already calls for more rules and regulations.  While new laws may be appropriate, by themselves they will not be enough; even the greatest of walls can be undermined by a lack of character and integrity.

The Great Wall of China was supposed to be impenetrable, yet during the first hundred years of its existence, China was invaded three times. The wall was never torn down, nor was it scaled by invading armies; instead gatekeepers allowed the invaders to enter after accepting a bribe.  The Chinese had banked on the physical integrity of the formidable stone walls but had overlooked the moral integrity of their soldiers.

It is not the intent of this blog to argue politics.  Rather, it is my desire here to reiterate the importance of character and integrity.  Even missionaries can struggle with issues of character and integrity as they seek to serve God with all their heart, might, mind and strength, and with an eye single to His glory.  It is often said that 20 percent of missionaries do 80 percent of the work while 80 percent do 20 percent of the work -- I always thought the split was more like 90-10. Many missionaries also struggle to live the mission rules; some may find specific rules difficult or even pointless, still others think it is cool to break the rules.

As with the Chinese and their soldiers, our first line of defense is not the "walls" of commandments, rules or laws, but is rather our personal integrity and character.  Character underpins our humanity; ultimately it defines us as individuals and has a significant impact on motivation and performance.  Indeed, character is the foundation of all decision-making.

Integrity is a vital component of an individual's character; the word comes from the Latin integritas, which referred to the quality of a Roman Legionnaire's armor.  With integrity, all was possible in battle and all was whole.  Absent integrity, there was vulnerability; indeed, there would be a "disintegrity" or disintegration.

We might also consider the barges which the brother of Jared was commanded to build, they were to be "tight like unto a dish" or "watertight."  In discussing how effectively watertight a ship or submarine is they use the term "watertight integrity."  If all of the hatches and openings are closed to the sea, and if all the hatches to the interior compartments are closed and dogged shut, then the watertight integrity is good.  If even one hatch or opening is left open it can doom a submarine.  In May 1939, the submarine USS Squalus sank to the bottom of Long Island Sound when her main induction valve -- which drew in air for the engines when on the surface -- was stuck open.  Quick action by the crew prevented the forward compartments from flooding, allowing 33 men to be rescued.

It seems, however, that no matter how strong we are, or how much character and integrity we have, there is always room for improvement.  No matter how much we have learned or how much we have progressed, we are still human and continue to fall short of perfection because of our weaknesses and inadequacies.  There is clearly a gap between reality and the ideals we strive to live by.  We strive, we stretch, we reach, and still we fall short.

The Lord said to Moroni that He gives us weaknesses so that we may be humble; He also said that "my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them.”  This is open to all of us; if we come unto Him he will show us our weaknesses, and if we humble ourselves before Him and exercise faith in Him, He will lift us with His grace and make "weak things become strong". If we desire to increase the strength of our character and integrity, we need only come unto Christ and humble ourselves.
 
Moroni's father, Mormon, has told us how we can every good thing, which would include character and integrity.  The recipe is simple: Faith, Hope and Charity.  If we come unto Christ, humble ourselves and have faith in him, that we might be lifted by his grace, then we must have hope, and if we have faith and hope, then we must have charity.  Charity is the pure love of Christ, it endures forever, and without it we are nothing.

To have charity means that we have patience, that we are kind, that we do not envy others, that we are not prideful, that we do not put ourselves ahead of everyone else, that we are slow to get angry, and that instead of striking back when someone hits us that we turn the other cheek.  Having Charity means that we rejoice in truth, that we shun evil, that we are humble and submissive to our parents and our Heavenly Father, and that we have faith and hope.  Having charity means that we to love as Jesus loves.

Mormon counseled us that when we pray that we should pray to be filled with this love.  It is never too early to start, and we should continue to pray that we may continue to be filled with charity, that we may be purified and that we may truly be like Jesus.  We must be careful to always have faith and hope, and to always pray and study the scriptures, so that we may never lose this charity once we have been filled with it.

If we are filled with charity, then might our character and integrity be strong, then might we be watertight.  But there are still threats to our integrity.  Some of the worst things that happen to us are the things we do to ourselves; the doubts we entertain, the grudges that we carry, the habits we pick up and the sins we commit.  We may also become prideful; we may ignore reality and say that we have achieved the ideal, even as we continue to fall short.  Or we may forget the ideal, saying that it is too hard to achieve, so why even try?  We must be ever vigilant, we must be meek and lowly in heart, and we must pray always.

The good news is that the Atonement is there for us, even if our failings are not great sins. There will always be the the opportunity to humble ourselves and have faith in Christ and to be lifted by His grace.

Never Bash, Part II

I know it can be fun to have a serious discussion or debate, but I see little value in bashing or what seems to pass for political discourse these days.  When I first arrived in California, there was a lot of talk about how everything we did as missionaries should be based on love and sincerity.  We were supposed to love our contacts and investigators and use sincerity as persuasion.  At some point I started telling my investigators not to take my word for anything.  It is the spirit that converts and I wanted them to seek a witness from God.

While it might be fun to prove people wrong, it is in fact not so easy.  Even if you manage to do it, it accomplishes very little.  In my experience, those who are not ready to hear your message will simply ignore it when you have managed to prove them wrong.  They will either continue to insist that they are right, or they will just change the subject.  Those who are ready to hear your message will not need to have you prove them wrong as they will be receptive to what you are saying and the answers you give for their concerns.

My first near-bash situation occurred on a P-day when I had been out just over two months.  After playing basketball at the stake center in Menlo Park that morning we had gone over to the apartment for the two elders who were assigned to that area.  We were still in our sweats or street cloths when there was a knock on the door; on the doorstep were a pair of Jehovah's Witnesses.  My fellow missionaries pretended to be students at nearby Stanford University.

One elder asked them if they were Mormons and after saying no they proceeded to rip on the church.  They told us that Mormons believed Jesus was God, that they believed in the Holy Trinity, and that they didn’t believe in the Bible.  I went along and pretended to have talked with some Mormon missionaries and said that they told me Mormons believed in God the Father, the Son Jesus Christ, and the Holy Ghost.  I was interrupted as one of them said that the Mormons did not and then she said that God and the Holy Ghost are the same person.

It was at this point that we confessed that we were, in fact, Mormon missionaries.  I said that we had gone tracting the day before and we had our Bibles with us, but they still said that we did not believe in the Bible.  I noticed a Bible on a table nearby, picked it up and turned to John 15:26: “But when the Comforter is come, whom I will send unto you from the Father, even the Spirit of truth, which proceedeth from the Father, he shall testify of me.”  One of the J-Dubs, who I guess was the senior of the two, countered that God and the Holy Ghost are the same person and that the spirit is only the force used by God (May the force be with you).

I responded by turning the page back to John 14:26: “But the Comforter, which is the Holy Ghost, whom the Father will send in my name, he shall teach you all things, and bring all things to your remembrance, whatsoever I have said unto you” (emphasis added).  “Whom” would denote a separate person.  She pulled out her New World Translation which changed “whom” to “which.”  Now, I wasn’t trying to bash, but rather I was trying to present a scripture to support my beliefs.  I then tried to steer into the Joseph Smith story but they kept interrupting me.  The other three elders in the room, however, were trying to bash, which didn’t help at all.

The discussion then went to the question of authority from God before going to where they got the right to change the Bible.  I said something about the King James Version being a direct translation from the Greek which meant that was how Christ phrased it originally as recorded by John, which successfully got us back to 14:26.  But from there the discussion spiraled out of control.  One of the ladies, who I guess was the junior of the two, kept telling me that we didn’t believe in the Bible.  I turned the book I had just quoted from so she could see the spine, “See, the Holy Bible, King James Version.”  I had to say it three times.

I would suggest that the approach these Jehovah’s Witnesses took is an example of how not to do missionary work (generally, I would say that how the J-Dubs proselyte is an example of what not to do).  I don't want to cast aspersions as I did not know these people personally, rather I want to focus on actions and methods (tactics).  Their attitude was all wrong as they called us to repentance; sincerity and love are much more effective.  Additionally, we do not have the power to prove our words, that is the job of the Holy Ghost.

As they left, the junior of the two turned and said “When the day of destruction arrives and Jehovah is come, and you are destroyed, just remember that we warned you!”  I could not resist firing right back, “And you just remember that we warned you.”  Then they ran into the owner of the apartment who told them that he had once looked into the Jehovah’s Witnesses.  Right away they condemned him to Hell.  Wow.

This did not turn out to be a complete waste of time if only because I did learn something about teaching with love and sincerity -- not to mention the futility of bashing.  Other than that. . . .

Never Bash, Always Testify

My father once told me a story from his time on active duty service in the Navy.  His brother had shook his hand and told him just before getting on the bus to “Keep the Word of Wisdom.”  Many months later he was tempted to smoke a cigarette; he had even purchased a pack from a vending machine.  As he was about to open the pack and light up, he heard his brother’s voice, “Keep the Word of Wisdom.”  He threw the pack up onto the roof of some building and walked away.

Just before I boarded the plane to San Jose, California, my brother shook my hand and said, “Never leave your companion.”  Recalling the story above, I thought this was probably the most important thing my brother could tell me.  Of course, when I got to my first area I found I was fortunate if I could just see my companion, way out ahead, as we rode our bikes.  Once we got stuck on opposite sides of an intersection when the light went red after he had gone through.

A few years later, after returning home and getting married, I saw my new brother in law off on his mission.  Before he boarded the plane I shook his hand and said, "Never leave your companion, and don't let anyone intimidate you."  Just a few years ago my nephew left on his mission; I shook his hand and said, "Never leave your companion, don't let anyone intimidate you, never bash and always testify."  I forgot to add, "cultivate the spirit."

Bashing, be it Bible bashing or any other kind, is a complete waste of time.  Though it is important for a missionary to have a strong familiarity with the scriptures, it doesn't matter how well he knows them in a bashing situation.  Missionaries are unlikely  to convince their antagonists, no matter how expert their use of the scriptures might be.  Bashing does not open minds, and it is the spirit which converts.  Additionally, missionaries who rely on their own knowledge and ability, rather than on the spirit, may be setting themselves up for a fall.

The futility of bashing was clearly revealed one night in my first area; I had been out just over three months and was with my fourth companion.  We were walking into our apartment complex when we encountered a group of Born Agains, one of whom started ripping on us and the church.  We tried to answer his questions calmly, but every time we had an effective answer, the ringleader just changed the subject.  At first we talked about the resurrection and our belief that our bodies will be perfect.  As we got going the ringleader could see that he was in trouble, so he shifted to asking how we are saved.  I answered, “By believing that Christ is our Savior, by repenting of our sins and by being baptized.”

The ringleader said that we did not need to be baptized and we countered that it was an ordinance, that Jesus was baptized and that we need to follow his example.  He challenged that by using the scriptures and asked us if we needed to be lifted up on a cross to die and be raised up on the third day because Jesus did.  But we countered that argument and the minute we started making headway he again changed the subject, this time to the Book of Mormon.  He said it was false and that “no man could add to the Bible.”  He said that he had read parts of it and knew it was not true.  He said that Joseph Smith was a thrill seeker.

When he changed the subject from baptism I just stopped talking, I knew it would do no good.  Just before that my companion stopped me as I was about to say something.  Finally the group had had enough thrill seeking, actually they weaseled out when they could see that they were not getting to us.  The ring leader tried to make himself look good by saying that if we had any guts we would attend a revival meeting -- the location of which turned out to be outside of our zone.

In future near-bash situations, as I called them, I would try to find something that might help open the mind of the person we were talking with, but then I would try to steer the discussion to a point where I could bear testimony.  Testifying invited the spirit, and if anything was going to make a difference in these situations it was the spirit.  Either our antagonists would be touched by the spirit, or they would not be.  The Lord's sheep will hear and recognize His voice.

Sometimes, though, you know you're going to get thrashed and the only thing you can do is take it.  The best thing to do in those situations is get it over with as quickly as possible.  That is basically what my companion and I did in the story I related above.  Fortunately, for me anyway, these thrashings were rare; in all but a few situations I was at least able to bear testimony.  The best way to strengthen a testimony is to bear it so, if nothing else, at least I would get something out of it.

A Witness from the Spirit

As I wrote yesterday,things were extremely slow in my first area. It was four months before I was able to teach a full first discussion. A couple of days later I was transferred to my second area. At first the work picked up with my new companion, but it soon slowed and we found ourselves going to a members home to watch TV every few days. I was badly discouraged and suffering from a confidence problem.

I had already had some run-ins with folks from other churches who wanted to bash, but what really shook me was when we tracted into a Jehovah’s Witness who did not want to bash.  Instead, this lady used love and sincerity and ended up teaching us instead of the other way around.  After we left her home I found myself wondering how she could be so happy when she did not have the truth while I was so miserable when I did have the truth.

I have long since learned that God accepts all sincere expressions of faith.  Other churches have some truths, and if those truths are enough to make the members of those churches happy, who am I to argue?  As a missionary I only sought to add to the truths that others had, and searched for those who were ready to accept them.

In any case, while I had read The Book of Mormon, by now three times, and had seen my faith increase, and had thought at least that I knew the church to be true, now I was in yet another crisis.  I decided to pray that night and seek a witness from the spirit.  Before going to bed, I re-read Moroni’s Promise.  Then I turned out the light and got down on my knees.

I started with just a normal prayer, but then I stopped and tried to say what was in my heart.  I found it difficult at first, but at length the words did come.  I talked about my confusion and told my Heavenly Father of my desire to know if the Church is true.  Then I asked if the Church was true, and I felt nothing.  I cannot say that I really felt anything at all.  I again explained my desire and the reasons behind it before asking a second time.  “Father, I ask thee in the name of Jesus Christ is the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints the only true and living church upon the face of the whole earth?"  Again, I felt nothing.

Now I began to plead.  “Father, please,” I said, “I need to know.”  Then I said that I perhaps needed an answer a bit more clear than others might.  I asked a third time, and again I felt nothing.  The tears welled in my eyes as I thought the answer to be no.  Oh, how much I prayed that the Church was true.  I wanted it to be so very much and I told my Heavenly Father so.  The tears began to flow and for several minutes, or so it seemed, I could only cry.  Then thoughts began to flood my mind that I had wasted four and a half months there in California; that I had wasted the previous 19 years.  Not knowing what to do I closed my prayer asking for knowledge and then crawled into bed.

The tears continued to flow and I wondered what it was that I should do, for I thought that I was serving a false church.  How could I continue to do so for another eighteen months or so until it was time to go home?  I cried and I cried.  “Why couldn’t it be true?”  But there was something in me that fought back saying, “No Elder Cox, the Church is true, you know it is!”  I guess that it was the desire of wanting the Church to be true, and perhaps my love of the gospel and its message.  The tears continued to flow.  “Oh, why couldn’t it be true?”

Then something whispered to me, “Elder Cox, ask again.”  My desire that the Church be true won out.  I looked to heaven and my heart cried out, “Is the Church true Father, it is true?”  Then it happened, my feelings of pain and sorrow fled and a new feeling of peace entered my heart.  It was a warm feeling, and it was as if someone had lit a match in a darkened room.  The feeling comforted my aching heart; all tears and sorrow melted away.  That small feeling brought such great joy to me and all my burdens disappeared.  My heart cried, “It is true, it is true!  Thank you Father, thank you for answering my prayer.”  As I said this the feeling grew stronger and stronger.

I think that maybe the Lord wanted to test my sincerity and faith.  The Lord did answer my prayers, but it was not an immediate answer.  I asked Him four times if the Church was true, and it was only after the fourth time that I received my answer, and only, I think, because I had expressed such a sincere desire that the Church be true.  I think that sometimes we expect answers to be immediate, and they do not always come so quickly.  Sometimes it takes a while, as well as great sincerity and faith.

I know that the Church is true; that the Book of Mormon is the word of God; that Joseph Smith was a prophet of God; and that President Thomas S. Monson is the Lord’s prophet today.  This does not eliminate the need for faith, for I do not have a perfect knowledge of all things.  But these things I know, because I received a witness by the power of the Holy Ghost in answer to my prayer.

Now I had something rock solid to build on.  I had received a witness from the spirit and what greater witness could I have than from God?  I could say as Joseph Smith did of his vision in the Sacred Grove that I experienced what I had experienced and who am I to withstand God?  I had felt that burning within; I knew it and I knew that God knew it, and I could not deny it.

Then, a few weeks later, with yet another new companion at my side, something amazing happened.  We tracted into this couple, had a two hour teach and set up a return appointment.  When we went back I saw a tall stack of books by the husband’s chair, and I knew right then that we were in trouble.

After answering all the question and issues they brought up, or at least trying to, I started to bear my testimony.  I related the experience I had just had a few weeks earlier and bore the sweetest and most powerful testimony I could.  The wife got so upset at one point that she almost threw their copy of the Book of Mormon at me.  I think it was because I had said that until they had read the book and prayed about it they could not tell me that it was not true.  They tried to refute my testimony by saying that I had merely convinced myself.  I told the story again and the spirit was so strong it almost consumed me.  After we left, we got into our car to return to our flat.  My companion paused, looked at me and said that I was amazing.

But it wasn’t me, it was the spirit.  As a person of few words, I had been given many words with which to testify of the truth.  My weakness had become strong unto me.  I can still be very quiet, but when talking about a subject I know a lot about, or when bearing testimony, I can find the words, and even more, I can speak with power.  I am not telling you this to brag, for again, at least when I am discussing the gospel and bearing testimony, it is the spirit, and it is because I have tried to humble myself and have faith in Jesus Christ.  I can testify to the truthfulness of Ether 12:27, but not just from my own experience, but because of the transformations I saw in others.

Into Every Life Rain Must Fall . . . or, Lost in Paradox . . . or, Compelled to be Humble

After eight months in my stake's missionary prep program, I thought I was so prepared that I would take the mission field by storm.  My three weeks in the MTC seemed to reinforce my expectations as much of the teaching in class was on the first two discussions which I had already learned and taught in mock discussions.  While I tried to help the elders in my district, I think that I may have been a bit overbearing at times.  I once passed a note to my companion, as he was teaching, telling him to sit on the edge of his seat as I had been taught to do; never mind that because of his rather large girth this might not have been feasible for him.

While I was very confident about doing missionary work, I didn't have much confidence in anything else.  I could play the part well, I thought, but off stage I still had the same doubts about myself that I had in high school.  I tried to be outgoing in the MTC, to get a long with my companion, but things went badly wrong as I demonstrated my lack of social skill.  I said something terrible to a sister missionary, as an attempt at playful humor, because I just didn't have a clue.  But the biggest mistake I made was disagreeing with my companion in front of other people.

My companion was called after the first week to be an acting district leader for a new group of missionaries.  As his companion I went to the same meetings he went to, and knew what he knew.  When we met the new missionaries and he briefed them on what to expect, he said that their MTC district was named for the city which would be their first area in the mission field.  I didn't know where that came from, and suddenly shy, quiet Elder Cox burst out with “No it won't.”

This was an example of a curious paradox.  I was shy and quiet, and yet occasionally I would blurt something out -- I could point to several examples from my school days.  Now I had done it again, but this was worse because I had contradicted him in front of others, I had embarrassed him.  Later he confronted me and the only thing I could think to do was explain why he was wrong.  Still later he approached me to apologize, and by then I had realized what I had done, but though I should have been the one to apologize I suddenly could say nothing.  My companion then gave up on the companionship.
 

After the MTC I was no doubt even more reserved than usual when I arrived in my first area.  I wasn't outgoing at all, and my trainer had a big problem with that.  I was more than willing to work, in fact I was quite eager to do so, but I didn't say much outside of the door approaches I did when we were tracting – we didn't have anyone to teach, so he never had a chance to see me teach.  Then my trainer got sick and the work fell off.   To top it off, I allowed myself to feel intimidated by my trainer.

In one companionship inventory I asked if my quiet personality was a problem and my trainer went off on me.  He said that if I was quiet and didn’t talk to members that they would think I was not excited about the gospel and didn’t want to teach and therefore members wouldn’t want me to teach their friends.  But he was just getting started.  He said that if we didn't love ourselves we were sinning; he said that we were supposed to think that we were the greatest person in the world

He said that leaders had asked him how things were going and he would say that he didn't know because he didn't get any feedback from me.  He then said that his only good companion had been his trainer, that the three or four since had all been bad.  He said a lot of things -- I had to be this, this and this, period -- but this should give you an idea of what he was ranting about.

As I noted above, I was probably being even more reserved than usual because of what happened in the MTC, and I have to admit I didn't give detailed answers when he asked how I was doing those rare times we were out working.  I tried to say that I was doing the best I could, in the face of my trainer's charges against me but, honestly, I probably wasn't doing the best I could.  The simple reality was that I was not a talker, and I wasn't going to become one in the next few weeks.

I had issues, no doubt, but I strongly questioned much of what my trainer said. Specifically, the idea of thinking we were the greatest person in the world was a bit over the top. While we should love ourselves and have self confidence, he seemed to be taking it too far -- into the area of pride President Ezra Taft Benson would warn about in an upcoming General Conference talk. My trainer didn't have a very good attitude; as noted he felt most of his companions had been bad, and now he had problems with me.  Additionally, he was stuck in a very slow area; we didn't have anyone to teach because he had baptized the one person he had been teaching just before my arrival.

As for me, I think the Lord had decided I needed to be humbled.  Things didn't get better when, after two months, my trainer was transferred.  At first it seemed that my next companion and I would get along, but the slowness of our area quickly took its toll on him.  After a couple of weeks he suddenly discovered this need to "find" himself.  Of course, the best way to find yourself on a mission is to forget yourself and go to work.  At other times on my mission I was able to take full advantage of losing myself in the work, but while still in my first area my companion had other ideas.

The Lord, meanwhile, clearly had other things on the agenda than teaching and baptizing.  At the end of four months I finally had the opportunity to teach a full discussion, and the next week I got transferred. My second area would be better, but there were still challenges ahead.  Some companions are blessings, but others are trials.  Sometimes it is we ourselves that need to be taught and converted. Missions are not easy, but they get better or worse depending completely on our attitude  -- whatever we do, don't be a Wally complaining geek.

I should note here, however, that around Christmas time my trainer sent me a card in which he apologized and said that he had learned some things from our two months together and I would later tell him that I had been holding back.  While I was still in my first area, I sent a note to my MTC companion, finally apologizing for all I had done. Meanwhile, my "lost" companion would eventually find himself and finish his mission as an assistant to the mission president.  In the end I became friends with each of these companions.

 

KISS: Keep It Simple Stupid

When I went on my mission, I thought I was well prepared in certain areas.  I thought I had learned a lot of things while still in high school, but it turned out that there were some lessons I had to go on a mission to learn.

I have always had a quiet personality -- in the age old nature vs nurture debate I actually think it was a bit of both.  I was born quiet, in fact my mother told me more than once that I was so quiet in the womb (in the days before ultrasound technology) that she thought I would be girl.  But my quiet personality was reinforced by experiences I had growing up; it often seemed safer to keep my mouth shut.  I did not have many friends growing up, and I was often made fun of.

I know what it is like to feel like an outcast, but I also know what it is like to have many wonderful friends.  Starting with my junior year in high school I was blessed with many friends.  I had wanted so badly to be accepted -- and I was! Yet I doubted myself; I doubted that I was really anything special, that I was anything but plain, quiet and even boring. Friends have told me that I was a “nice guy,” that I was thoughtful and kind, with a sense of humor and a smile for others when they needed one.  I was viewed as a person of value, even great value, and I was loved, yet still I doubted myself.

A month before graduation, I started attending a missionary prep program put on by my stake.  I would attend this program for eight months with meetings on Sunday mornings and Tuesday nights, plus many opportunities to teach mock discussions to members.  My older brother was one of the teachers, which was a great blessing to me.

In August (after three months), however, I faced a bit of a crisis.  The adversary was hitting me pretty hard, trying to discourage me from serving a mission, and many times I left Missionary Prep discouraged.  I wasn't sure if I had the spirit with me as I taught those mock discussions and I was also having a hard time putting into practice what I was learning.

At one Tuesday night meeting, my brother raised a particular objection and I fumbled through an answer that had previously been taught to us.  When I finished, my brother said “Excuse me?”  That was a definite hit on my struggling confidence.

A friend who was in the program with me, and with whom I had taught a few mock discussions, told me that I taught so much with the spirit.  But I still wasn't sure, in fact I was in awe of how well he taught.  This guy had such a command of the first two discussions that he had many thoughts of his own to add to the principles being taught.

When my brother served his mission, the discussions were tightly scripted.  The missionaries had to read the presentation word for word, and they were even directed at certain points to "look up and smile."  New discussions were introduced by the time I was in Missionary Prep that allowed the missionaries a significant amount of flexibility.  As long as we covered the principles of the discussion we could put them in our own words and even expand on them, within reason.  Of course, we could also just repeat the principles word for word if we chose.  My understanding is that Preach My Gospel encourages even more flexibility.

In any case, I was making the mistake of comparing myself to someone else.  While I taught the principles more simply, that did not get in the way of having the spirit.  Sometimes simplicity is a good thing, hence the KISS principle: Keep It Simple Stupid.  In the final analysis, it is not flowery language or in-depth discussion that converts, it is the spirit.  As a missionary I viewed myself simply as a conduit to information, and I specifically told my investigators not to take my word for anything; instead they should ask God in prayer if what we taught them was true.
 
My pre-mission crisis ended at the first Tuesday night meeting in September.  As we were being taught that night, the spirit entered the room and I felt a mighty change come over me. I felt a calm assurance that I was learning and progressing and that all would be well if I continued to work hard.  The clouds parted and the sun shined through, it was such a wonderful feeling. 
 
Several weeks later, at another Tuesday night meeting, my brother raised the same objection that I had stumbled in answering back in August.  This time I did not fumble through the answer.  Instead I was clear and concise and even my brother was impressed.  But now I was starting to have another problem, I was becoming too confident.  In a few weeks I would be entering the MTC, and three weeks after that I expected to take the mission field by storm.

"Oh, it's hard to be humble, when you're perfect in every way."

When you start feeling that confident, duck.