"If Thy Brother Hath Ought Against Thee" Or, "If Thou Hath Ought Against Thy Brother"

I have written before about how much I loved my mission president, but two of the worst moments during my mission involved him.  The first bad moment was when I knew that I had disappointed him one evening when my companion and I got home later than we were supposed to -- the one evening he had been calling, trying to reach me.  The second bad moment was during one of our every-other-month interviews.

I usually had something to talk about going into these interviews, but this time I did not, which in retrosepct was a mistake.  My mission president started asking me questions about the area I was serving in, and for reasons that were not all my fault, I didn't have good answers.  The questions then became more pointed, and I began to feel defensive even as I simply ran out of answers.  I think I felt some loyalty to my previous companion, who had just been transferred out, because we had got along so well during the three months we were together.

I left this interview hurt and angry, and it wasn't long before my new companion noticed that something was bothering me.  When I told him about it he suggested I call the mission office and set up an appointment with the mission president.  I took his adivce and set up another interview.

When I went in, I wanted to apologize and set the record straight.  Because I was one of a hundred missionaries in the mission, I suggested that he might not remember what happened.  I also expressed a concern that I might have put a black mark on my record, but my mission president said that I had not.

We ended up spending 45 minutes together, discussing what had happened, the area I was serving in, and other things.  At one point he told me that I would soon have the opportunity to "call the shots" in my own companionship and I was blown away.  I had been hoping for quite sometime to become a senior companion.

The lesson here, besides always having something to talk about in an interview with the mission president, is that when you feel hurt or offended you should go to the other party to talk about it.

In the Sermon on the Mount, the Savior said, "Therefore if thou bring thy gift to the altar, and there rememberest that thy brother hath ought against thee; Leave there thy gift before the altar, and go thy way; first be reconciled to thy brother, and then come and offer thy gift" (Matthew 5:23-24).  I think this principle can work both ways; if you are hurt and offended, you need not wait until the other party comes to you; for one thing, you might end up waiting a long time, for another, they might not even be aware that there is a problem.

An unfortunate occurance, which appears to happen often, takes place when an individual chooses to separate themselves from the rest of their family over an offense given or perceived to have been given by another individual.  In refusing to be near the "offender", the other, innocent, family members are also denied the presence of the "offended".  These other family members may themseleves feel hurt and offended, and further rifts in the family may be opened.  As the poet wrote, "No man is an island."

These things ought not to be, not when it is possible to prevent these breaches by going to the offender or the offended and discussing what happened, what was said, or what was done.  Whether we are the offended or the offender, we need to swallow our pride and do whatever is necessary to make things right.  The Lord will forgive who he will forgive, but of us it is required that we forgive everyone (see Doctrine & Covenants 64:34-35).

So what do we do when the other party refuses to talk?  The simple answer is that we have to accept their decision, at least eventually.  You have to know when to weary the unrighteous judge (see Luke 18:1-5), and when to walk away, at some point the law of diminishing returns takes effect.  We can receive peace from the Lord even as we accept the other party's decision not to talk; it may take time, but we can have that peace. 

What if the offender refuses to or does not change?  When family is involved, it is my humble opinion, that we should not avoid family events in order to avoid the offender -- unless they are downright abusive and it would be unsafe to be around them.

The Germans were Never In the Abbey

The allies landed at Salerno, Italy, in September 1943, and Naples was captured in the first days of October.  After that the allies marched into the mountais south of Rome, which the Germans used effectively for defense to hold up the allied advance until the spring of 1944.  The most significant obstacle in the German Gustav Line centered around the town of Cassino, and the mountain that rose above it.  It was atop Monte Cassino, in 529 A.D. that St. Benedict of Nursia established a monestary, which became the source of the Benedictine Order.

With it's gleaming white walls, the two story Abbey drew the gaze of every soldier on the front line.  As the battle on the Gustav line devolved into a stalemate, the Abbey soon became the object of blame.  Surely, said the infantrymen below, the Germans had to be occupying the Abbey and using it as an observation post.  The Germans, with the advantage of commanding the heights, had almost unlimited visability and could call down artillery on any movement made by the allies.  But the Germans didn't need to be in the Abbey to have this commanding view, they needed only to occupy the ground outside of the monestary.

Even so, the Abbey became the fixation of every allied soldier.  A general claimed to have spotted the sun flashing off German binoculars on the second floor.  Even pilots flying over the Abbey claimed to see Germans inside it.  As every move to penetrate the Gustav line and make it into the Liri Valley -- with a straight shot to Rome -- was thwarted, some soldiers called for the destruction of the Abbey by air attack and artillery.  Other soldiers countered that bombing the Abbey would give no advantage, that, in fact, the Germans could make better defensive use of the ruins.  Though some of the first soldiers knew those other soldiers were right, the pressure mounted to bomb the Abbey.

And so, in February 1944, the allies bombed the Abbey, and the Germans moved into the ruins, and continued to thwart allied efforts to break the Gutav line.  Perhaps what is more remarkable, is that the allies repeated the same mistake just a month later when they bombed the town of Cassino.  In the fight that followed, the New Zealander infantrymen faced such difficulty that they soon began to call the town "Little Stalingrad" after the monumental urban battle on the Russian front in 1942.  Eventually, the Kiwis admitted that they could not drive the Germans out of Cassino, and the stalemate continued.  The good news, if you can call it that, is that eventually spring would come, the allies would break the Gustav line, and race up the Liri Valley to capture Rome on June 5, 1944.

I have been reading an excellent book on the campaigns in Italy, The Day of Battle by Rick Atkinson, and a few days ago I watched a movie called The Story of G.I. Joe.  The movie follows war correspondant Ernie Pyle, played by Burgess Meredith, who at times meets up with a company commanded by Bill Walker, played by Robert Mitchum, a charcter based on a real soldier who was killed during the battles on the Gustav Line.  In the film, the soldiers of Walker's company become fixated on the Abbey atop Monte Cassino and cheer when it is bombed, but then Pyle notes the irony of war in that the Germans made good use of the ruins.

As I have been thinking about Monte Cassino, I have thought about things I have at times become fixated on, that later turned out to not be as I had supposed they were.  In aerial combat there is something called target fixation; in chasing or bombing a target, the pilot becomes so fixated that he has tunnel vision, and sometimes the result is that he flies into the target.

It seems that we often have such fixations: if we could buy that house then all our problems would be solved; if we could ask a certain girl out, then life would be wonderful.

Often we become fixated on the weaknesses we see in others.  We want to remove the sliver in another's eye and we become so fixated on it that we miss the telephone pole in our own eye.  At other times we become fixated on a perceived slight, and we cannot let go.  And sometimes we become fixated on having things done our way, and if they are not, we become dissaffected.

Whatever our fixation, we should remind ourselves that the Germans were never in the Abbey.

Honset, Hard-Working and Loyal: A Monument to Faith

In the news today is the passing of techno-thriller author Tom Clancy.  He has been called the creator of the techno-thriller; it's not stricly true, but he did perfect the art.

Some 23 years ago, when I returned from my LDS mission, I learned that a movie based on Tom Clancy's The Hunt for Red October was soon to be released. So I bought the book and read it.

After Red October I read Red Storm Rising and really enjoyed it, then Patriot Games which I struggled a bit with -- at least the first half after Ryan breaks up the attack in London, then the attack on the highway in Maryland propelled me through the rest of the book. I waited awhile before reading Cardinal of the Kremlin and was surprised at how much I enjoyed it.

I didn't like Clear and Present Danger as much and The Sum of All Fears took a long time to get to the action. But I really enjoyed Debt of Honor and Executive Orders.

Clancy was one of the best, he will be missed.

Two things really impressed me about Clancy. First, there were times when I would stop reading just to marvel at how good his writing was. Second, his LDS characters, though usually minor, were real people rather than charactures.

In Clear and Present Danger as Ryan is struggling to decide what to do about the illegal secret mission in Columbia, he is driving along the beltway and sees the Washington Temple, which leads him to recall members of the church in government who have acted with integrity. In Without Remorse the F-105 pilot shot down and captured by the North Vietnamese was LDS, and I could find no fault with how Clancy developed the character or how he presented LDS beliefs.  The pilot even taps out "all is well; all is well" in Morse code to another prisoner.

I have posted before about integrity, with that in mind, here is an excerpt from Clear and Present Danger (Jack Ryan is being driven along the Washington beltway):

Jack looked out the window as they passed the Mormon temple, just outside the beltway near Connecticut Avenue.  A decidedly odd looking buidling, it had grandeur with its marble columns and gilt spires.  The beliefs represented by that impressive structure seemed curious to Ryan, a lifelong Catholic, but the people who held them were honest and hard-working , and fiercly loyal to their country, becuase they believed in what America stood for.  And that was all it came down to, wasn't it?  Either you stand for something, or you don't, Ryan told himself.  Any jack[wagon] could be against things, like a petulant child claiming to hate an untasted vegetable   You could tell what these people stood for.  The Mormons tithed their income, which allowed their church to construct this monument to faith.  Just as medieval peasants had taken from their need to build the cathedrals of their age, for precisely the same purpose.  The peasants were forgotten by all but the God in Whom they believed.

The cathedrals -- testimony to those beliefs -- remained in their glory, still used for their intended purpose.  Who remembered the political issues of that age?  The nobles and their castles had crumbled away, the royal bloodlines had mostly ended, and all that age had left behind were memorials to faith, belief in something more important than man's corporeal existance, expressed in stonework crafted by the hands of men.  What better proof could there be of what really mattered?

Jack knew he wasn't the first to wonder at the fact, not by a very long shot indeed, but it wasn't often that anyone perceived Truth so clearly as Ryan did on this Monday morning.  It made expediency seem a shallow, emphemeral, and ultimately useless commodity.  He still had to figure out what he would do, and knew that his action would possibly be decided by others, but he knew what sort of guide, what sort of measure he would use to determine his action.  That was enough for now, he told himself.

Source: Clancy, T. (1989). Clear and Present Danger. New York: G.P Putnam's Sons. Pg. 498.

Missionary Prep Student Manual Online

I was looking for a quote by President Gordon B. Hinckley and stumbled upon something I thought I would pass along.  There is some good news for prospective missionaries who may not have been able to find the Missionary Preperation Student Manual, it can be found in its entirety at LDS.org.  Here is the link:

http://www.ldsces.org/manuals/missionary-preparation-student-manual/

"Don't You Dare Give Up"

Diane Ellingson-Smith was an All-American gymnast at Utah before battling back from a devastating accident that left her paralyzed for the rest of her life. From 1978-81, Ellingson-Smith was a three-time All-American on the uneven parallel bars and finished second in the 1981 National Championships. She was co-captain of the 1981 national-title winning team, the first of 10 national titles the Utes would win over the next 22 years.

After her college career ended Ellingson-Smith joined a Professional Gymnastics Tour. While practicing on the vault before her first meet, she over-rotated and landed on her neck. She fractured a cervical vertebrae and was paralyzed from the chest down. Although confined to a wheelchair, she finished her degree at Utah in elementary education and spent seven years teaching third grade. The Diane Ellingson award is given yearly to the most inspirational Ute gymnast.

Ellingson-Smith now spends her time as a motivational speaker. She is the founder and president of a sales, motivation, leadership and achievement company. She is also the subject of the best selling biography "Don't You Dare Give Up!" Diane is married to Scott Smith, a former clown with Ringling Brothers and Barnum & Bailey Circus. She has four stepchildren.

Here is an inspirational video presenation, in two parts, of Ellingson-Smith's story:

Ellingson-Smith was inducted into the University of Utah's Crimson Club Hall of Fame in 2003.

http://utahutes.cstv.com/genrel/041603aaa.html

"Go Forth and Serve" -- Go For It

I came across an excellent blog post last week from a recent convert to the LDS Church in which the author sought to encourage young men and women who are considering serving a mission.  Link:

http://lemmonythings.wordpress.com/2013/09/20/go-elder-message-to-pre-missionary/

"I don’t have brothers, or sons . . . So I don’t know the complete psyche of the young men in this matter.  But I have enough guy friends and enough girlfriends who have served to know how it may feel when your toes are to the edge of the cliff–ready to jump into midair–and ready to serve a mission somewhere you’ve never been. But, I also know why you should jump."

Avoiding Pride

Another good conference talk for this week is one given by President Dieter F. Uchtdorf in October 2010.

"Every mortal," President Uchtdorf warned, "has at least a casual if not intimate relationship with the sin of pride. No one has avoided it; few overcome it."

After referencing another talk on Pride, President Ezra Taft Benson's in 1989, President Uchtdorf noted that the word "pride" almost became taboo in the church.  Members wondered if they could say that they were "proud" of their children, or if they could take "pride" in their work.  "In the scriptures we find plenty of examples of good and righteous people who rejoice in righteousness and at the same time glory in the goodness of God. Our Heavenly Father Himself introduced His Beloved Son with the words 'in whom I am well pleased.'"

President Uchtdorf then said, "I believe there is a difference between being proud of certain things and being prideful. I am proud of many things. I am proud of my wife. I am proud of our children and grandchildren."

So what is the difference between being prideful and having pride in certain things?  "Pride is sinful, as President Benson so memorably taught, because it breeds hatred or hostility and places us in opposition to God and our fellowmen. At its core, pride is a sin of comparison, for though it usually begins with 'Look how wonderful I am and what great things I have done,' it always seems to end with 'Therefore, I am better than you.'"

When we are filled with this pride we are in danger of violating the two great commandments.  "Instead of worshiping God and loving our neighbor, we reveal the real object of our worship and love -- the image we see in the mirror. Pride is the great sin of self-elevation. It is for so many a personal Rameumptom, a holy stand that justifies envy, greed, and vanity."

Pride can lead to other sins, as well.  "Pride is a deadly cancer. It is a gateway sin that leads to a host of other human weaknesses. In fact, it could be said that every other sin is, in essence, a manifestation of pride.  This sin has many faces. It leads some to revel in their own perceived self-worth, accomplishments, talents, wealth, or position. They count these blessings as evidence of being 'chosen,' 'superior,' or 'more righteous' than others. This is the sin of 'Thank God I am more special than you.' At its core is the desire to be admired or envied. It is the sin of self-glorification. For others, pride turns to envy: they look bitterly at those who have better positions, more talents, or greater possessions than they do. They seek to hurt, diminish, and tear down others in a misguided and unworthy attempt at self-elevation. When those they envy stumble or suffer, they secretly cheer."

President Uchtdorf went on to discuss pride and sports"

"Perhaps there is no better laboratory to observe the sin of pride than the world of sports. I have always loved participating in and attending sporting events. But I confess there are times when the lack of civility in sports is embarrassing. How is it that normally kind and compassionate human beings can be so intolerant and filled with hatred toward an opposing team and its fans?

"I have watched sports fans vilify and demonize their rivals. They look for any flaw and magnify it. They justify their hatred with broad generalizations and apply them to everyone associated with the other team. When ill fortune afflicts their rival, they rejoice.

"Brethren, unfortunately we see today too often the same kind of attitude and behavior spill over into the public discourse of politics, ethnicity, and religion.

"My dear brethren of the priesthood, my beloved fellow disciples of the gentle Christ, should we not hold ourselves to a higher standard? As priesthood bearers, we must realize that all of God’s children wear the same jersey. Our team is the brotherhood of man. This mortal life is our playing field. Our goal is to learn to love God and to extend that same love toward our fellowman. We are here to live according to His law and establish the kingdom of God. We are here to build, uplift, treat fairly, and encourage all of Heavenly Father’s children."

How, then do we counter the impulse to be prideful?

"In this, as in all things, Jesus Christ is our perfect example," said President Uchtdorf. "Whereas Lucifer tried to change the Father’s plan of salvation and obtain honor for himself, the Savior said, 'Father, thy will be done, and the glory be thine forever.'  Despite His magnificent abilities and accomplishments, the Savior was always meek and humble."

We should be humble and full of love:

"It is almost impossible to be lifted up in pride when our hearts are filled with charity. 'No one can assist in this work except he shall be humble and full of love' (Doctrine and Covenants 12:8). When we see the world around us through the lens of the pure love of Christ, we begin to understand humility."

President Uchtdorf then tells us what humility is and is not:

"Humility does not mean convincing ourselves that we are worthless, meaningless, or of little value. Nor does it mean denying or withholding the talents God has given us. We don’t discover humility by thinking less of ourselves; we discover humility by thinking less about ourselves. It comes as we go about our work with an attitude of serving God and our fellowman. Humility directs our attention and love toward others and to Heavenly Father’s purposes. Pride does the opposite. Pride draws its energy and strength from the deep wells of selfishness. The moment we stop obsessing with ourselves and lose ourselves in service, our pride diminishes and begins to die."

President Uchtdorf then concludes:

"My dear brethren, there are so many people in need whom we could be thinking about instead of ourselves. . . .  My beloved brethren, let us follow the example of our Savior and reach out to serve rather than seeking the praise and honor of men. It is my prayer that we will recognize and root out unrighteous pride in our hearts and that we will replace it with righteousness, godliness, faith, love, patience, [and] meekness'” (1 Timothy 6:11).

Source:

https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2010/10/pride-and-the-priesthood?lang=eng#27-PD50021411_000_3040